God's Total Management Questionaire

Your full name:
Your email address: (e.g.: you@aol.com)

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, God asks that you take a few moments to fill out a questionaire. Your're answers are completely confidential and you need not disclose your name or addy

How did you find out about this deity?

Book of Mormon
Divine Inspiration
My Mama done told me
Near Death Experience
Near Life Experience
National Public Radio
Burning Shurubbery

Which model diety did you acquire?

Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pac)
Zeus and entourage (olympus Pac)
Odin and ntourage (Valhallah PaK)
Ra and entourage (egyptian pak)
Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
None of the above, I was taken in by a false god

Did your God Come to you Undamaged, with all parts in working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes

If NO, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply:

Not eternal
Not omniscient
Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire sosmos
Not omnipotnent
Not infinitely plastic (incapable of being all things to all creations)
Permits sex outside of marriage
Prohibit sex outside of marriage
Makes mistakes (geraldo Rivera, Michael jackson)
Permits bad things to happen to good people
When beseeched, does not stay beseeched
Requires burnt offerings
Requires virgin sacrifices

What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? Please check all that apply...

Indoctrinated by parents
Needed a reason to live
Indoctrinted by society
Needed focus whom to despise
Imaginary friend grew up
Wanted to know Jesus in the Biblical sense
Hate to think for myself
Wanted to meet boys/girls
Fear of death
Wanted to piss off parents
Needed a day off from work
Desparate need for certainty
Like Organ music
Need to feel morally superior
Thought Jerry Falwell was kewl
Shit was falling out of the sky
My shrubbery caught fire and a loud voice commanded me to do it.

Have you ever worshipped a deity before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? Check all that apply..

Mick Jagger
The Almighty Dollar
Bill Gates/WebTV®
Left wing Liberalism
The Radical Right
The Great Spirit
The Great Pumpkin
The Sun
The Moon
Cindy Crawford
Britney Spears

Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply...

Fortune Cookies
Ann Landers
Psychic Friends network
Playboy and/or Playgirl
Self-Help books
Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll
Bill Clinton
Tea Leaves
Jimmy Swaggert
Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
Wandering around in a desert
Insurance Policies

God employs a limit degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer?

More Divine Intervention
Less Divine Intervention"
Curent Level of Divine Intervention is just right"
Don't know..what's Divine Intervention">

Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services?

If you are able to complete this questionaire and return it to one of our conveniently located drop-off boxes by December 25th, you will be entered into the ONE FREE MIRACLE OF YOUR CHOICE drawing!!! Chances of winning are approximately one in 6.023 X 10 to the 23rd power, depending on the number of beings entered)
ZY.Freedback.com: Stunning, fast, FREE!    

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